THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK....... BUT CAN'T!


I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

Doctor: I'm sorry to say, but your condition is terminal.
Patient: How long have I got?
Doctor: 10.
Patient: What 10? Days? Months? Years?
Doctor: ...9...8...7...6...5...

Text message to Joseph Estrada: Mr. President, we are jueteng for your resignation

Mike Enriquez became witness for the prosecution in the president's impeachment trial. After stepping down from the stand, he pointed his finger at the TV cameras and said, "Ako ang inyong naging - saksi!"

Grog time-travels back to the beginning of planet Earth and hits the first living cell. All he could say was "oops!" before he disappears.

An old European Monastery is perched high on a 500-foot cliff. Visitors ride up in a big basket, pulled to the top with a ragged old rope.
Halfway up, a passenger nervously asked: "How often do you change the rope?"
The monk in charge replied: "Whenever the old one breaks."